new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Damn victory sex feels great
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
