I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
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Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
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You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Holy shit dude........stairs
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