lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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