Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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