i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
