hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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