When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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