i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
