I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
