My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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