What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
