grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize