You smell like stripper and shame
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
