Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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