Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Redeem this text for a blowjob
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.