we're chasing vodka with high fives
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
