Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
