god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
