i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
