Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
