my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
