I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
bring money and cleavage
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize