we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
