i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
