ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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