i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
