i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
