Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
