I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize