I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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