I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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