Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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