It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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