did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
