I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She told me I should be a condom model.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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