sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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