I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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