I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize