she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
