these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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