my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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