I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
