there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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