I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
