He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
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You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
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I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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