you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
