i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
