my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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