Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize