so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
