just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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