I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
