When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
