Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
