the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
