the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
