she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
