i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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