They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My bed smells like the plague
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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