They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i out mim tonsoeep
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