Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
