First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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