we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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